Friday, 12 August 2011

Comix

Is it me or does there seem to be LOADS of bookish girl cartoonists on the internet these days.

This seems to be the WINNING EQUASION:

Female PLUS Cats PLUS literary references DIVIDED BY awkward situations MULTIPLIED BY Tumblr = joy to the world.

Artists I think win are:
"Comiques" by Anne Emond




"Hark, A Vagrant" by Kate Beaton



"Kate or Die" by Kate, I presume




"Cat Vs Human" by um ... A human, I guess ...




Yep, that's it.

SM

RIP my magazines #3: Articles

I'm throwing out my old magazines / giving them to school kids! Some of these are over ten years old and have a lot of PERSONAL VALUE so I'm cutting out the best bits to form a scrap-book. Here are the highlights:


'The Art of Rap' by 'Hip Hop Historian' Henry Louis Gates Jr. About HJG's then new book anthology of rap lyrics. I studied this guy at university - very helpful with my dissertation. I was also attracted to THE PICTURE accompanying the article: hundreds of illustrated floating heads of hip-hop from Cab Calloway to Lupe Fiasco. Yep.


'Mycology 101: The Vice Guide to Really Fascinating Mushrooms' by David Fischer. Informative article about delicious, deadly and hallucinogenic mushrooms. Article accompanied by a fashion photo shoot of models looking for mushrooms.


'Secret Societies, Ancient Sects and Cryptic Cults' by Anon. I love Thrasher Magazine. This article on various conspiracy theories is kind of thrown next to some skate photos with not connection or explanation. The writer, a man after my own heart, clearly states that he got all his information off the internet and writing is often punctuated with phrases like:"It is often said (by lunatics)", making a not-all-that-serious work. Article covers Freemasons, Illuminati, CIA and New World Order. Strangely, I've been reading 'The Valley of Fear' by Arthur Conan Doyle in which the Freemasons pay a bit part, so I found a reread of this article quite interesting.


'Not in Our Name' by Ian Winwood. Remember the antiwar protests in twothousandandsomething? Part article, part interview with alt.metal band System of a Down, this is KERRANG Magazine being a bit political. Looking back on it now, it all seems very dramatic, much like the more recent riots all over the coutnry are being made out to be at the moment...


'Gorey and Me' by Johnny Ryan. Sort article about the relationship between Vice cartoonist Ryan and AMAZING writter and illustrator Edward Gorey. Humorous descriptions of EG's cat-scratched legs, interesting facts - which of the Three Stooges is EG's favourite? (the one with the bangs) - and a touching ending, describing a very real final encounted watching television before Gorey's death.


'I was a Drum Leader for Boardrum 77' by Kid Millions. This sounds like an amazing experience: 77 drummers under the Brookyn Bridge arranged in a kind of spiral, all playing together, conducted by the band Boredoms. A bit artsy-fartsy, perhaps, but what a great musical event. One of the drummers tries to describe it.

RIP my magazines #2 Interviews

I'm throwing out my old magazines / giving them to school kids! Some of these are over ten years old and have a lot of PERSONAL VALUE so I'm cutting out the best bits to form a scrap-book. Here are the highlights:

Interviews:

Artists

Winston Smith - Legendary photomontage-master. Designed album covers for 'punk lowlifes' (his quote) Dead Kennedeys and Green Day. (Document Skateboarding Magazine)

Ray Sierra - Designer of overly-large gangster t-shirts with ghettoized cartoon characters on them. (Vice Magazine)


Music - From Thrasher Skateboard Magazine - See my TUMBLR for music videos...

Citizen Fish - 3 of the 4 members of Subhumans in punk rock / ska band.

Hieroglyrics - independent hip hop collective including Del Tha Dunky Homosapien who raved about starting their new label.

Misc.
Jason Lee - EARL from 'My Name is Earl', who can't skate during the filming process because he might do himself a mischeif: kinda figured.

R.I.P. my Old Magazines #1 How To ...

I'm throwing out my old magazines / giving them to school kids! Some of these are over ten years old and have a lot of PERSONAL VALUE so I'm cutting out the best bits to form a scrap-book. Here are the highlights:

1.) Toy Machine Advert 'How to Be Punk' (Skateboard Magazine, 2002)
Apart from the educating me on the DOs and DON'Ts of PUNK CULTURE, I remember making a stencil of one of the icons (a urinating turtle with a mohawk) - I was into Banksy at the time - and my friend used this in his art project.

Other 'How Tos' that I have saved from magazines include:
* How to Headbang (circular, figure of 8 and 'original') - Kingpin Magazine
* Make Ghetto Speakers from your Earphones (put them in empty glasses) - Kingpin Magazine
* How to pin a pair of handcuffs (with a hairpin) - Sleaze Magazine
* AND MY FAVOURITE - the method for a roast chicken dinner - Sleaze Magazine

Tuesday, 9 August 2011

Prayer

Dear Lord,

Praise

We are so grateful for the beautiful summer that is pleasing to all the senses – our personal, favourite sights, sounds, tastes, smells and feelings and how they spark off nostalgia – but also our spirits are lifted naturally by the sun’s rays and this is how you designed us to be! We are thankful for your glorious creation that speaks of your creativity, authority and generosity.
World

Yet as I speak and as we pray today, conflict is breaking out all over the world to deface your creation. The cycles of hatred and fear can seem never ending:
Syria, Mexico, Africa, China, Afghanistan and finally Tottenham: a community described as having its “heart torn out”. We pray for these communities that they would know your heart.

We thank you for the people of Norway who, rather than tearing themselves apart after the recent tragedy there, have banded together to comfort and support one another.
Mission

May our brothers and sisters around the world be replenished with heart, hope and Spirit.
Thank you for Gerster family, celebrating the encouragement of a positive church retreat in the Japanese Church in Switzerland that Hans-Ueli and Wendy Pastor.
We pray also for Andreas and Elisabeth, both undertaking summer training courses preparing for the future and that the whole family would have a refreshing and strengthening holiday.
Church

Finally, to bring before you anyone who is suffering in anyway – because of illness, stress, financial difficulties, bereavement, or any other reason – knowing that you are our rock in times of trouble.
And we bring forward anyone who is rejoicing today because of a birthday, wedding, anniversary, summer holiday, new job, promotion, new child, new house, or any other reason, knowing that you do all things for our good and that we may glorify you in our lives.
And that is what we live to do.

In your name,

Amen

Thursday, 28 July 2011

Summer Reading

1. Nick Hornby - 'High Fidelity'
Why? On the hall table. Dad got it for Andrew, but he went travelling in Asia ...
Is is good? Yes. Lots of talk about music and girls and a not-totally-unlikeable narrator.
****

2. David Nicholls - 'One Day'
Why? A present from Sandra. Read it on the train to / from Cumbria.
Is is good? Friends in love. Not something that I'd jump to read but I enjoyed it for lots of reasons. A dishy female lead character, an annoying, selfish male lead, a bit of a twist and a rewarding ending. Good fun.
***

3. Ryu Murikami '69'
Why? Brousing in the library. Looking for the other Hukuri (?) Murikami.
Is is good? ANOTHER book about music, girls and growing up. A more likeable, yet still selfish narrator who organises a music festival with his friends. Also uses CAPS LOCK for emphasis which reminds me of a childhood favourite 'Molesworth' (Seale). I really liked this.
****

4. Douglas Coupland 'Generation X'
Why? Brousing in the library.
Is it good? It is seminal and I would recommend it to everyone. Storytelling is not dead! Some of these stories could be Twilight Zone or Dead Kennedeys' songs. Therefore I am a massive fan. However, there are bits that I don't like, such as the 'slang' definitions and the need to overintellectualize everything - just get on the tell the story! WOuld definitely recommend it though, in the same way that I'd recommend the Twilight Zone / Dead Kennedys ...
****

5. John Buchan 'The Thirty-Nine Steps'
Why? Library brousing. Talking about old films with my aunty; this is one of my dad's favourite films. Apparently the book is quite different so ...
Any good? Not about music or girls (no female characters at all) -- so a refreshing change! Great 1930s vocabulary and jaunty pace. Thrilling even.
***

6. Edgar Allen Poe 'Selected Tales'
Why? Library brousing from the CLASSICS SECTION.
Any good? Of course! Again, total departure from sex, drugs and roll 'n' roll, in favour for gothic houses, murder and 'phantasm'. Seriously, I've read three stories already ('Tell-Tale Heart' 'Fall of the House of Usher' and 'The Black Cat') and they are all fairly similar ... wonderfully written though!
****

Saturday, 4 June 2011

Your Scene Sucks #2 -- Crustpunk



By far the smelliest of all the scenesters, the Crustpunk embodies the D.I.Y. punk ethos with his nihilistic attitude and “freegan” diet. Typically an extremely unkempt individual with patches and pins barely holding together his soiled wardrobe, the Crustie goes months on end without bathing, ensuring his unemployment.

When not attending politically radical protests and Food Not Bombs events, the Crustie can be found panhandling on city streets with his banjo and emaciated dog at his side. Despite being anti-corporation, the majority of his earnings goes towards beer. The Crustpunks are also anti-authority, anti-work, anti-government, anti-religion, anti-showers, but are somehow not anti-five-day-old-burrito in the Trader Joe's dumpster.

Even though he lives a nomadic lifestyle squatting in abandoned buildings and train-hopping, the Crustie never strays too far from home. Eventually he'll need to hit up mom and dad in the suburbs for more cash, so he can stay poor.

Famous Crusts:
Leftover Crack
Allstar F*ing Hipsters

Your Scene Sucks


http://yourscenesucks.com/

she more closely resembles a warrior from mortal kombat than an actual human being. tattoos cover every inch of her body, facial piercings obscure her features, and the subdermal brass knuckle implant wards off anyone who doesn't take the body mod lifestyle seriously. small children burst into tears when she walks by, and aunt beverly has trouble recognizing her at family reunions.
yes, she might look like something out of hellraiser, but that doesn't stop her from posing nude at suicidegirls.com. thank god for the altporn audience, because no one in the "real world" would hire her- not even the local gas station.

as soon as she gets her first sg paycheck, she's rushing out to get that earth crisis facial tattoo she's always wanted.

BOW TIE

Best Hype Men #5


Neville Staple

Best Hype Men #3 and #4


Slipknot's Chris Fenn (#3 -- the one with the nose) and Shawn "Clown" Crahan (#6)

Best Hype Men #2


Erotic Volvo from Misty's Big Adventure. Amazing.

Best Hype Men #1


Flava Flav - Obvcourse

Saturday, 28 May 2011

Episode One: The Trail

I.

He was the sort of man that committed three crimes before breakfast.

And, in the end, he was caught.

There are many judges in the world, and all of them can be bribed. As any crimial will know, all judges can be bribed, execpt one. And - would you belive it - our hero was brought before the only straight judge in the world.

The trail commenced, as trails do and, at the end, the judge gave the verdict.

"The facts are plain. You are guilty as hell. And this time it's death. The only thing that could save you is if someone would step in your place. But that wouldn't be even - even Steven. To make things square, we'd have to find someone who has never done anything wrong. Nothing. Not even lied to make thier girlfriend feel more secure about an old pair of trousers. You know anyone that fits that description, boy?"

Our hero couldn't think of anyone that he knew who was perfect, not even the nice old lady next door - to cut a long story short she was a bit of a racist.

"No, your honour." He said. "Lord knows I've tried, but I can't say I've ever found any one who is perfect."

A file was passed onto the judge's desk. He flicked through the pages. And looked down at our hero.

"Well," he said "You may not be able to find the perfect substitute, but looks like we've found one. The only perfect man in the world - and he is willing to take your sentence.

"Not only is this man perfect - his files show that he has never committed a single crime and our 'experts' have found no stain upon his character. Not only that, but he is definitely human - no smoke and mirrors there.

"Now let me make this clear. There is nothing that you can do to save yourself from the punishment you deserve - nothing, except to accept the help of this man, the only man on earth who could pay the penalty for your life. Do you accept?"

And, hardly believing what was happening, our hero did indeed accept.

The sentence was death. The execution was televised.

Justice was done and our hero returned home to celebrate his freedom. He told himself that he would be eternally grateful to this kind stranger and try to follow his example.

But unlike his saviour, our hero wasn't perfect so he ended up commiting only two crimes before breakfast the next day.

To be continued ...

Next time: 'Episode Two: Three Days Later'

Thursday, 19 May 2011

'The End' #3

Flash Fiction #3: The End

'The End' - In which a young punk tries to survive in a post-apocalyptic Morecombe...

I went to the end of Morecombe Bay and bought fish and chips. Forgoing the Northerner’s choice of curry sauce, I plumped for the traditional salt and vinegar.

Outside, I leant on the rail as the grease permeated the paper bag and looked out to sea. I thought of the spot where the Chinese cockle pickers died. They were picking cockles and were cut off by the tide. I speared a chip with the little plastic fork and though to California. The wind blew cold specks of ocean into my face.

I was thinking about California because of a band called Rancid. They have many good songs, one is called ‘To the End of the East Bay’. It is about touring with your band, having good times, trying to get signed and the ups and downs of that whole gig. They were considered the real deal: tattoos, shaved heads, Mohicans, leather jackets and studs. I was at the seaside in Lancashire in October – I think that’s pretty punk too: my very own bay experience.

The Bleach Boys, Argy Bargy and 3CR were playing tonight. I loitered outside the old ‘Carleton’ club but I didn’t have a ticket to get in, to tread the sticky floors and sup the suspicious cider. Further down the bay, there was a bunch of underage oiks sheltering in a grafittied bus stop, wrapped in their leather jackets and rollup smoke.
One of them must have a spare ticket, particularly if there was a plastic pint of snakebite on the line, so I stepped out into the road to chance my luck.

Morecombe was like San Francisco in some ways. As Tim Armstrong says: “This ain’t no Mecca – This place is f*cked.”

In Morecombe, the shops were shut, some windows nailed down. The old women wore plastic bags on their heads to protect their curls from the spitting North rain. Bus drivers were mean and only the lonely statue of Eric seemed to smile, immortalised in his skipping dance, waiting for a chance partner and a tourist photo opportunity – perhaps even a “bring me sunshine”. The punks with their cider laughed and said that Morecombe looked like he was moshing.

Sunday, 15 May 2011

Flash Fiction #2 - Also called "The End"

The boys thought Grandfather Claude was exciting: he had fought in actual wars and he had medals to prove it. He also had an air rifle that fired metal pellets and he went hunting in the woods. He even killed rabbits for his dinner.
“Did you enjoy the pie?” He asked, when Mum and Jenny, the little sister, were out of ear shot, “got the rabbit myself.”
“Have you killed many rabbits, Grandfather Claude?”
“Oh yes, hundreds, maybe.” He said with a wink.

He had tried taking the boys out hunting with him, but they always made too much noise, squeaking and crashing through the undergrowth, pretending to be tigers.
“We’ll get something one day.” He would always say.

***

One evening, Grandfather Claude was babysitting. After dinner, the boys went up stairs to play with their G.I. Joes and Jenny chose a film to watch. They sat together, Jenny’s tiny body nestled against her grandfather, and the Walt Disney theme tune started. Jenny had chosen a new film called Bambi.
As the deer ran, throwing up clouds of snow and the music rose, he felt her, pressed against him, sensing the crescendo was fatal. She hid her face in his shoulder. Holding his breath, he braced himself against the sofa.
The gun shot thundered.
Pale flakes fell from the darkening sky and, knowing what they hadn’t seen, Claude watched the fawn look for his mother in the white silence. As the music struck a mournful chord, he felt her quiet sobs drop tears onto his shirt. He put his arm around her and watched Bambi walk away, into the blizzard.
“It’s just a story.” He said.

***

As his daughter idly chatted to him, Claude watched the boys playing soldiers in the back garden. He did not drink his tea.
“Grandfather Claude, can we go tracking rabbits in the woods with your rifle today?”
“Well boys, I actually gave that old rifle to Mrs Jones who runs the church jumble sale.”
“What?”
“The truth is, boys, your old Grandfather is getting too ancient to be playing with such dangerous things as rifles. See these hands? Too shaky. It wouldn’t be safe would it?”
The boys, almost in tears, flounced away. His daughter rolled her eyes and followed them into the garden.
With a steady hand, Claude picked up his tea cup and took a sip, thinking of the rifle lying disowned and safe in a dark space in the attic.

Saturday, 14 May 2011

Flash Fiction - "The End" - Final Draft

Flash Fiction: ‘The End’ #1

I was walking to school, listening to a live recording of The Doors on my walkman. My older brother made the mix tape.
It was almost “The End” as the great man stepped up to the microphone.
“Hey, mister light man! You’ve got to turn those lights way down!... I’m not kidding – you’ve got to turn those lights way down! ... C’mon!”
I could picture the audience crowded around, a mass of hair, mud and drugged-out haze, gazing up at the main stage, vibing off every word.
There was a pause as, I imagine, the lights remained at their level of obtrusive but professional brightness.
To this the great man said “Ah, wadda we care.”
And he began to sing into my ears as I ascended the stairs to my first lesson.
***
Sitting in English with a pen between my teeth, I listened to my teacher as she recited the monologue from As You Like It, introducing The Reduced Shakespeare Company’s performance of Romeo and Juliet (14 minutes long).
With the feedback of rock ‘n’ roll still ringing in my mind, I thought “If all the world’s a stage, what happens to stage divers?”
Whether that thought was philosophy or Beavis and Butthead, we all dutifully perform our entrances and exits. Some stick in the mind more persistently than others – looking through the collected Shakespeare at school, I found my favourite exit, the exit of Antigonus from The Winter’s Tale: ‘Exit, pursued by a bear’.
But rock ‘n’ roll had the plane crash, drug overdose, murder, heart attack, electrocution (playing guitar in the bath), cancer, pills, drowning, skiing accident, the speeding powerboat, the shotgun.
Shocking, sad and intriguing, but also mysterious. Skatalite and trombone legend Don Drummond allegedly committed suicide while institutionalized in Belle Vue Asylum, Kingston in 1969. Jim Morrison’s fatal heart failure in 1971 is disputed to this day.
***
I saw a black and white seventies picture of his grave. Before his father placed the plaque reading ΚΑΤΑ ΤΟΝ ΔΑΙΜΟΝΑ ΕΑΥΤΟΥ - "according to his own daemon", before Mladen Mikulin brought a bust for the vandals and thieves, before the French officials placed their shield (which was also stolen), there were the monuments.
Hyacinths, rosaries, charms, cigarette butts, cups half full in a final toast, abstract objects of personal value and, finally, his lyrics written in chalk – C’est la fin, mon merveilleux ami – loving tributes made by people that actually “got him”, that may have been washed away by Parisian rain, but if I close my eyes and press “rewind” on my walkman, he steps back into the spotlight.

Tuesday, 10 May 2011

‘The End’ #2

Introduction
These are stories for artists and creators of work. People might stamp it as finished or beyond hope of resurrection, but the artist’s eye will always look at THE END from a different perspective.

Chapter One
Cienfuegos, Cuba, 1939. The postman called with a large package. It was received by a thin young man with a nose and a sweet disposition, a cartoonist called Antonio Prohias. Antonio politely thanked the postman and took the parcel into the kitchen. He opened it in silence. It was a collection of his drawings, targeted at a prestigious newspaper. It had been returned unopened. Antonio sat looking at this parcel for a long time.
Thirty-two years later, Antonio Prohias finally laid these drawings to rest in a cenotaph for Cartoonist Profiles. His more auspicious, recognised and celebrated creations gathered around the grave to pay their respects to their brother ‘Agapito’ – ‘The Unborn’. They looked like the demons of Bosch and Breugel and they all had inherited Antonio’s nose: El Hombre Sinestro, the Russian Communist Tovarich and Prohias’ legacy to the world, the MAD stalwarts, the Black Spy and the White Spy. No trinitrotoluene, no bullet holes, no intricate weapons of cartoon destruction. Symmetrical arms folded and heads bowed – a momentary reverent armistice.

Chapter Two
Manhattan, New York, 1972. Robert Mapplerthorpe dropped a jar containing an unborn human foetus. Forever scavenging for inspirational “found” objects to use in his art, he got it from an abandoned hospital on Staten Island (which has since been demolished). It slipped from his excited fingers and crashed to the ground. He stood there with formaldehyde splashes on his shoes. With a blank look on his face, he said to his companion, the poet Patti Smith, “You go in. I’ll clean this up.”
...

Monday, 9 May 2011

Flash Fiction: ‘The End’ #1

Chapter One --
The crowd clapped and whistled. The waiting guitar noodled. Over the humdrum a voice is heard.
“Hey, mister light man! You’ve got to turn those lights way down! I’m not kidding – you’ve got to turn those lights way down! ... C’mon!”
The man with the mic waited for the lights to go down. They didn’t. The crowd cheered. A tambourine beat, waiting, waiting.
Seconds passed and the great man said, “Ah, wadda we care.”
And he began to sing.

Chapter Two –
The second part of the story is told by rock journalist Dave Philips. He looks majestic in a Hawaiian shirt and board shorts, like Kaputnik from MAD magazine; horn-rimmed glasses, a corn-cob pipe gripped in his teeth. He clears his throat and lists names into the recorder.

“Buddy Holly, The Big Bopper, Otis Redding, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Ron “Pigpen” McKernan, Elvis Presley, Keith Moon, Sid Vicious, Bon Scott, Ian Curtis, John Bonham, John Lennon, Bob Marley, Phil Lynott, Peter Tosh, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Per Yngve “Dead” Ohlin, Johnny Thunders, Freddy Mercury, Øystein "Euronymous" Aarseth, Frank Zappa, Kurt Cobain, Brad Nowell, Jeff Buckley, Screaming Lord Such, Ian Dury, Kirsty MacColl, Joey Ramone, Joe Strummer, Johnny Cash, Dimebag Darrell, Ike Turner, Michael Jackson, Les Paul, Malcolm McLaren, Ronnie James Dio, Paul Gray, Peter Quaife, and counting ...

“Dramatic, gripping, ripping, bloated, tragic, glorious, death has always ridden the coattails of rock music.

“Plane crashes, drug overdoses, murders, heart attacks, electrocution (by guitar), cancer, drowning, skiing accidents, being mown in half by a speeding powerboat.

“Some are more mysterious. Skatalite and trombone legend Don Drummond allegedly committed suicide while institutionalized in Belle Vue Asylum, Kingston in 1969. Jim Morrison’s fatal heart failure in 1971 is disputed to this day –“
I cut him off there by pressing the STOP button.

Chapter Three --
Thieves first robbed the grave in 1973. In 1981, to mark the tenth anniversary of his death, a bust was erected on the site. This was subject to all kinds of atrocities before being stolen seven years later. Finally, his father placed a flat stone on the grave
that reads ΚΑΤΑ ΤΟΝ ΔΑΙΜΟΝΑ ΕΑΥΤΟΥ - "according to his own daemon".
It has yet to be stolen and it is stuck tight.
Though the hallowed site knows many stories, my favourite is the one when Patty Smith visited in the autumn of 1973. She wrote it so beautifully: Rimbaud on her heart and hyacinths in her hand, following the strings of French graffiti like Theseus to an unmarked grave, reading C’est la fin, mon merveilleux ami in the rain.

Sunday, 8 May 2011

Shuffle #1

I won't see you tonight,
falling away from me,
sitting 'round at home.

The short end of the stick,
marching on a dead road,
ever and a day.

Bad Town, shifting Sands;
Hello Again.

SM

Saturday, 7 May 2011

On Parade

She stands outside smoking, red
hair cropped like a Futurist painting,

poised like Gavaroche,
Peter Pan, the Artful Dodger,
mistaken for a boy on the bus.

She is always on her guard,
as if I would bite her tongue.

I extend a word forward,
she takes to steps back

into a nicotine attic
and I try to follow her

a bull dancing for a flashing flag.

SM

Ploughman's Lunch

The light dapples his carthouse
muscles as we rest in the shade
of a great oak. There are no clouds;
fields spread out, egg-yellow patches,
ripple in the heat. Unfolding
a pokerdot cloth I hand out lunch.
He is silent as he devotes his
attention to filling his mouth
with the usual harvest fair offered.

He holds a green apple in his coarse
hands etched with scars, flayed
and broken by the biting plough.
His red face is poked with scratches
and the sweat of the sun's scolding.
His body is hard, riveted like a conch,
toughened by molluscan genesis,
as ambition callously encrusted his youth,
to see we were never short of bread.

SM

B Shape

When you sit
your body concertinas.
The soft creases
of your iliac crest,
the bulges of your
latissimus dorsi
(love handles)
flow as if they were painted
by Degas.
I can see Fernado Botero
- Even Lucien Freud -
in your soft abdomen,
The Venus of Willendorf
in your red ochre skin.

SM

Interuptions

After the first offernings of wine
her fingers read my palm.

The curved backs of praying
cutlery reflect the candle light.

Outside our aura we are orbited
by astrobelts of adolescent attendents;
the heavens are waiting
to take our order.

Later, we linger back in the sphere of the star's eye,
rechargin in the centre of the circle.

Suddenly, plates of chicken wings
and fried spaghetti come crashing through the atmosphere
like meteors scattering debris and napkins.

Our environment breaks around us.

Tectonic plates generate an internal stress field,
which ends our foreplay abruptly.

SM

She

She has fed the Finno-Ugric tribes
before the introduction of potatoes.

She has been found in the Nahal Hemel
cave, Israel,
in the tomb of Tutankhamun,
ritually stuffed into the nostils
of Ramesses II,
the eyes of Ramasses IV:

Traces of her have been found in Egyptian urns dating from around 3000BC.

She has travelled the world.

She has been found in Pepys' Diaries
and added to coffee.

The Prophet Mohammed called her a "blessed seasoning".

She is the essence of Cocoa Cola.

Doctors have been known to prescribe her to facilitate
bowel movements and erection, to relieve headaches,
cough, snakebites and hair loss.

She scents garments with the smell of Lebanon,
a scent, legend has it, that could bring breath back to the dead ...

SM

Sunday, 1 May 2011

ART! - Pictures up soon

Tumblr is great for finding new artists from around the world.
Such as http://ikenaga-yasunari.com/gallery/5.htm, a Japanese artist that reminds me of Klimt a little bit. Lovely lovely. (Pictures up soon!)

I've also found a wonderfully written blog - http://hauntednonsense.blogspot.com/ - reminds me of Rohan K a flicker of Lovecraft and Burton. All good fun, anyway! What alerted me to Larson's work was his illustration of Batman creeping along a passage way, a spotlight throwing his sillhouette onto the wall elongating his lean form and outstretched tallens a la Nostferatu. Thank you Tumblr! (Pictures up soon!)

And all variety of good things happening here: http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/illustration

SM

Wednesday, 20 April 2011

The Clash Playing The Roxy Club

I.
Police helments politics
Rain cloud markets
Neal Street skids
safety-pins kids
leather liberty spikes spit:
Club Roxy Covent Garden
1976

II.
Rich dub Roxy Club
Bass pogos the rib cage
On the small stage
Ethiopia rope rocks
Don Letts and the goths
shaven heads dreader
than dread

SM

The Dictator

Revolutionary Road is a roundabout
Freedom fighter moon lighter
Captain the dictatorship
he was supposed to sink.

SM

Monday, 18 April 2011

101

I've passed the 100th blog post! Hurrah!

#1 - If CHINS could kill (August 2009) - I had graduated university and I was reading Bruce Campbell's autobiography. I think I might have been to Greenbelt and thought it was a good idea to start blogging. My influences are clearly my friends at this stage. Some are still going, others have stopped, some have started. My friends will always inspire me to keep going. Thank you.

#25 - Voice (October 2009) - I had started the PGCE and this reflects in the subject of the post: 'Before Writing' by Gunther Kress. I was trying to include my "studies" - a laughable attempt at Masters level studying whilst trying to learn to teach. Some good quotations though: "We know that tomorrow will not be like today. That is one of the few certainties of the present period." I will continue to write about my doubts as a teacher. Some of my posts have been very bleak, but the Kress quote fills me with hope. Tomorrow is a new day. God's grace abounds.

#50 - Super Powers (June 2010) - Summer holidays! This clip holds significance because I had it on my computer as part of a lesson plan that I did for my second placement (shudder). It was for 'Kid' by Simon Armitage. I was about to embark on my summer project - the Ren and Stimply series. The summer I also wrote a competition-winning piece of writing ('Palmeresque').

#75 - Scream (August 2010) - The summer holidays were a busy time for my blog. Shows that I had nothing to do I guess. Bored of writing, I think that I wanted this to be a Tumblr post, but I didn't know about Tumblr at the time. I love how Ham comments on this post too. Tumblr has proven to be a blessing as I can upload video and images really quickly. This will allow me to keep the blog devoted to my writing.

#100 - Strange Stats (Aprill 2011) - There we have it. Still blogging strong. And people are reading it (?) I will still comment on music, complain about work. I really want to carry on reading the Gospels in the run-up to Easter. This was inspired by a chat with James. We were talking about the places that we wanted to go on holiday and he said Jerusalem. This got me thinking of the Beat Stevie episode I've already blogged about and the rest is history - this is God's providence and this is what keeps me going.

SM

Strange Stats

I've just found the 'Stats' tab on the blog dashboard. It is mind-boggling! I presume that people are looking at the pictures rather than reading the words, but that is still pretty amazing really! I wonder how many people visit the FAMOUS people's blogs then ...

ANYWAY, the coutries who view my page the most since it got started:

#1 - United States - thanks, playas! But then I do love a lot of your people and culture ...

#2 - United Kingdom (these could all be me I suppose...)

#3 - Germany - Dieses ist eine Überraschung! Tut Sie mag Ren und Stimpy und klassische Musik in Deutschland? Ich schreibe über deutschere Sachen zukünftig wie wütende Sünde und Rammestein… Dank für die Unterstützung!

#4 - Australia - do I know anyone in Australia? Is that you, Patterson? Anyhow, thanks for your support!

#5 - Netherlands - Hello! Dank voor de steun! Ik houd van uw kunstenaars en uw voedsel. Houd omhoog het goede werk.

This is mental!

My most popular blog posts of all time:

#1 - 'The Music of Ren and Stimpy #4' - With two in the top five, the Ren and Stimpy Series could be popular for the pictures of cartoon characters instead of my ignorant ramblings about classical music. This 'episode' focuses mostly on Grieg's music in cartoons, with elements of Elgar, Gounod and Delibes.

#2 - 'Blog News' - Why is this #2? Pictures of rocks, the Badger song and me trying to promote three of my friends' blogs. In a way I'm glad this is so high up the list. Hopefully people will be checking out the blogs rather than just looking at the badger picture.

#3 - 'Palmeresque' - A beast of a post, all of it my own work. I made a really big deal of this when I wrote it. I'm pleased it made it into the top three.

#4 - 'New Post' - THIS IS EVEN MORE RANDOM. Why would so many people read about me complaining about my job, listing the culture I was consuming at the time and talking a load of nonsense. THERE AREN'T EVEN ANY PICTURES IN IT.

#5 - 'The Music of Ren and Stimpy #5' - The second of the Ren and Stimpy series in the top five and this one has some proper bangers on it! Wagner, Strauss (II), Khachaturian. Music is awesome.

SM

Strange Sandwich


0. Introduction

In the run-up to Easter, I'm reading the four Gospel accounts of Jesus's time in Jerusalem. I've commented on the Triumphal Entry on my Tumblr account, so let's move on to the next big events: Jesus clearing the temple of scarifices and merchandise and Jesus withering a fig tree.

John does not mention these events. Luke only refers to Jesus clearing out the temple and preaching there.

Matthew notes the scene at the temple, adding that Jesus taught a lesson on Psalm 8, whilst also commenting on the scene with the fig tree.

Mark (11.12-25) has sandwiched these two events together, which makes me think that he was trying to get us to make a connection between them. So what are the similarities and differences.

I. "We'll do anything when the time's right."

* Though Jesus was hungry, it was not the season for figs (M.12-13). Does this make his request unreasonable?

No, because Jesus had performed miracles before: he has shown that he has control over nature in several ways - the calming of the storm, the feeding of thousands of people, etc. etc. - so he deliberately uses this illstration to show that the time is not right for such a miracle to happen; again, it is an illustration. This can be compared to Jesus's words as he approaches Jerusalem in Luke 19.41-44:

"If you, even you, had known on this day what would bring you peace - but now it is hidden from your eyes." (L.19.42)

The miracle of his death and resurrection is, at the moment, hidden from the disciples - "... you did not recognise that the time of God's coming to you." (L.19.43) - Again, another reference to timing being off, God's glory not being recognised. If the disciples didn't get it yet, you can understand how far the sellers in the temple were off...

IIa. "Do you know your roots?"

* Jesus rebukes the tree for the disciples to hear(M.11.14). He knows what will happen and wants to teach them a lesson out of it. In true teacher style, he is using an illustration to show his divine authority.

We later see Jesus rebuking the sacrifice and merchendise sellers, quoting from Jerimiah: he is showing spiritual and physical authority here and he has the crowds captivated. The sellers in the temple in Jerusalem definitely had the wrong idea of religion in thier minds and this is why Jesus is so angry with them: the temple, much like today, I imagine, is a popular tourist spot and the hawkers are trying to make the most profit, preying on ... people praying ... cashing in on people's faith, including racial discrimination - not just that, but projecting a false image of God and forgiveness!

IIb. "Do you know your roots?"

* The fig tree was withered from its roots (M.11.20). This shows total destruction, but could it also be an illstration for the corruption and decay of the temple leaders? The illustration shows that if Jesus's commandments are ignored there is no hope, only destruction. It does get better, trust me ...

This destruction is mirrored in the destruction of the market and begs the question: was Jesus right to trash the temple like that? I mean, think of all the violence acts that are committed in Israel. Isn't this just another example of destructive religious zeal? Here we seen Jesus as the activist, the judge, showing ONE side of God's character (the side that we don't always want to see!). Think of Emmeline Pankhurst, Abraham Lincoln, Nelson Mandela, Your Hero: people stand up for right reasons all the time - and sometimes truth hurts. Again, Jesus is using this violent scene as a lesson: he quotes from Isiah 56.7 and Jeremiah to remind the sellers of how far their own roots have rotted.

III. Faith, prayer and forgiveness

* The disciples were amazed that the fig tree had withered (no doubt they also raised an eye-brow at the scene in the temple too). Jesus tells the disciples to have faith in prayer and forgiveness (M.11.22-23). No doubt that he was preparing them for the time when their faith will be tested to the limit: Jesus's death and resurrection.

HOWEVER it is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT that Jesus talks about FORGIVENESS at the end of this story. This is what separates Jesus's teaching and the character of God from many acts of violence in the Middle East today: Jesus forgives the "thieves" who have committed such blatant sin in the temple in Jerusalem. A prelude to Jesus's most famous examples of forgiveness (Luke 23.34), this shows us another side of God's character: God must be the judge, but his capacity for forgiveness is unfathomable. Hallelujah.

SM

Sunday, 17 April 2011

Mike Skinner, Simon, Montefiore, the four Gospels

I'm compiling information on the run-up to Easter and the situation in the Israel atm.

So far I've:
Compared the Triumphal Entry (Jesus's entry into Jerusalem) in the Four Gospels.
http://assortedheroes.tumblr.com/post/4700308389/the-truimphal-entry-in-the-four-gospels

Jerusalem: City of Faith and Betrayal — Simon Sebag Montefiore
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/topics/easter/8451151/Jerusalem-City-of-faith-and-betrayal.html

Watched my favourite episode of Beat Stevie (#27 - Aleged Legends): in which Mike (Skinner) and Ted (Mayhem) visit Israel.

I'll keep you posted

Check the Tumblr for more details: http://assortedheroes.tumblr.com/

SM

DW's latest blog post

Hooray for Danny Wong's blog! It's great to hear from the mentor/teacher/youth worker, a wise man of faith working in a mine field. CHECK IT OUT!!!

http://wongletong.blogspot.com/2011/04/my-workplace.html?showComment=1303067018090#c8282955868387378539

SM

Wednesday, 13 April 2011

April Kasahara / Buddha's birthday

April in Paris
April is the cruelest month
and April showers.

April fools fiscal years
New year passover Earth Day
A calendar girl.

Monday, 11 April 2011

Moustache




So I've been growing a moustache for about a week, trying to encourage my brother to shave off his beard leaving the moustache. Our Andy, who normally looks like David Guetta, looks like a Swedish designer (interior or graphic, SEE LEFT) and I look more like a soohisticated English gentleman ... and a bit like Napoleon Dynamite's brother or Brandon Flowers - neither of which are very good looks (SEE RIGHT).

Therefore, I am dedicating this post to the moustache. Here is a list of the best moustaches even, in no pariticular order.
SALVADOR DALI
EARL HICKEY
MARIO
HERCULE POIROT
THE THOMPSON TWINS
LUIGI
CLEAVELAND BROWN
GEORGE CLOONEY'S CHARACTER IN 'OH BROTHER WHERE ART THOU?'
SNAKE FROM THE SIMPSONS
THE ANDYS (HOT FUZZ)
RINGO STARR
BASIL FAWLTY
MIKE WATT
DALLAS GREEN

I'm sure there are more.

SM

Steve's Picks: Hip Hop Tumblr

Hey all,

I'm giving Tumblr a try.

If you like HOCUS POCUS, GORILLAZ, BEASTIE BOYS, TINCHY STRYDER, GOLIELOCKS, KRS ONE, SKINNYMAN, HYPONOTIC BRASS ENSEMBLE, SNOOP DOGG, SAUL WILLIAMS, PROFESSOR GREEN, DR DRE, THE STREETS AND MUCH MUCH MORE then check it out!

http://assortedheroes.tumblr.com/

Much love,

Steve

Monday, 4 April 2011

"He's so ... real it's unbelievable!"

So I got "The Freewhellin' Bob Dylan' out of my local library, inspired by two things: reading Patti Smith's autobiography "Just Kids" and the recent death of his then muse, Suze Rotolo. I'm listening to it on my drives to work. I have to agree with Harry Jackson's quotation: you cannot deny the REALITY of Dylan's music.

Track 1 - "Blowin' In the Wind" - Overplayed, yes, but still TRUTH. Dylan: "I still say that some of the biggest crimials are those that turn their heads away when they see wrong and they know what's wrong. I'm only 21 years old abd I know that there's been too many wars ... You people over 21 should know better."
Track 2 - "Girl from the North Country" - A beauty. Sweet and soulful, one of my favourite tracks on the album.
Track 3 - "Masters of War" - Quite hardcore, really.
Track 4 - "Down the Highway" - Very bluesy, very cool. I like this one too. Country drifter lovesick blues.
Track 5 - "Bob Dylan's Blues" - Spontaneous and fun, very enjoyable to listen to.
Track 6 - "Hard Rain" - A very rich, lyrical song with a catchy chorus. Written during the Cuban Missle Crisis, it contains fear, despair and hope. A real activist song. Each line was intended to be a whole song and as I listen to it I can imagine a series of images: the bleeding black tree, the endless graveyard, the dead seas, the girl and the rainbow.
Track 7 - "Don't Think Twice, It's alright" - Regularly covered. Bitter and sweet.
Track 8 - "Bob Dylan's Dream" - Another great son about nostalgia and cameraderie. A real 4 o'clock in the morning song. We've all felt like this, and we'll go on to think it more as we grow old. It's a song about growing up.
Track 9 - "Oxford Town" - A song about segregation, murder and injustice. James Meredith. Stephen Lawrence. Victoria Climbie. Signs of the times.
Track 10 - "Talkin' World War III Blues" - Pyschoanalytical tale of an individualistic culture. A great half-improvised story, too. Something called the "Talking Blues". A bit like freestyling. Perhaps that is why the album is called "Freewheelin'" ...
Track 11 - "Corina, Corina" - Yep.
Track 12 - "Honey, Just Allow Me One More Chance" - A great song! In one word: Loopie.
Track 13 - "I Shall Be Free" - More freewheelin' / stlying. This, the final track on the album, is witty, odd-ball and addictive.

SM

Sunday, 3 April 2011

Lamentations

Following on from last week ... we've been reading Lamentations today. Some consider it a downer but, get this, I really enjoyed it. It is challenging, but it is TRUTH.

Wednesday, 23 March 2011

Past, Present, Future

This is how we work:
the past was good
the present is bad
the future will be good when it happens.


This is certainly how I feel pretty much every day: life can't get much worse - and my life isn't even that bad! I've got a home, got a job - what's the problem? Well, I suck at my job and this affects everything else.Therefore I feel the following:

the past was good because I did not have to work
the present is bad because I do have to work
the future will be good because I can stop work

When you think about it, this is a pretty poor attitude to have because you are constantly living in the slump of your life So what can be done to change the status quo?

I. Number one, I could kill myself. The easy way out. Worryingly, I've actually had some fantisies about this. Thoughts of taking some sort of pills and drowing in my bath, deliberately crashing my car on the way home from work or, the latest one, being trampled to death by raging protesters at the teacher's rally this Saturday (26th). That last one is very Kafkaesque and would make good writing, I'm sure. But these are just FANTASIES; to mis-quote Cypress Hill I ain't goin' out like that .

II. Change your attitude! In reality:
the past was just a great / awful as the present - that's nostalgia, boyee
the future is a good / bad as you make it ...

This is the tricky bit. It's easy to fantasise about death, it's hard to do the next bit! ...

so what can be done to make the present good?

1. Wake up right - tba

2. Preparing for work - tba

3. The drive to work - tba

4. Work itself - tba

5. Going home - tba

6. Home work - tba

7. Sleep - tba

Sunday, 13 March 2011

My dream set list

So me, Rob and Ben are looking to form a band; me on guitar (and I presume vox), Rob on bass (the "dad guitar") and Ben on drums. They are much better players than me but it's all about the fun.

I was thinking, what would my ideal setlist be? The only conditions are that I must be able to play the song!


1. Misfits - 'Hydrid Moments': http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MDOKVSN_YM


2. Rammones - 'I don't want to grow up': http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inpKD4vXxZ4


3. Black Flag - 'I've Had It': http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7b00ipgXEf8


4. The Offspring - 'All I Want': http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFF14JBtmu8


5. Duane Peters and the Hunns - 'Skate Away' with 'Hunn's Anthem' and 'Skate Away' reprise:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pu2V4657TBI&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bv8SlvPJuWQ&feature=related


6. Rancid - 'Golden Gate Fields': http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xthGd8deuB8


7. Descendents - 'Thank You': http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8K4hjaB6Ok

Friday, 11 March 2011

IV.

OUR HEROES ACTUALLY TRY RAPPER DANCING

Being literary types, we chose pub number three because of its name: “Far from the Madding Crowd”. A disappointingly modern building, but the tankards of beer and cider made up for it.

We met the team that would go on to win a slew of awards, the Manchester Kingsmen, here. They were great fun: northern, loud, friendly and slightly pickled. Although they were raucously light-hearted, they also retained a competitive edge, asking about how the other teams had faired earlier in the day. They were also impressed with our attempts at scoring.

They made a real entrance, charging onto the stage, roaring and brandishing their rappers above their heads. We were all very impressed with their performance: fine footwork, sword-play, tumbling and an engaging Tommy – even a Betty that would not have looked out of place on a rugby field (except for the pink dress and tickler). Naturally, and to their delight, we scored them highly.

It was members of the Kingsmen that taught us our first steps of rapper dancing. Pure Aled and Kevin of course, talking to the dancers, drink flowing – it was inevitable that we would eventually pick up the rappers and have a go ourselves!
First thing we learnt to do was hold the rapper properly. You grasp your own rapper in your right hand and the rapper of the person in front of you in your left (!) making sure that your knuckles are on the top (overhand hold). Next, we learnt some steps. Just imagine Morris-dancing-type twirling or maypole etc. etc. We then made a breastplate-like shape. This has probably got some sort of name. Check it out:



(Left to Right: Aled, Kevin, me)

It was amazing and we will always be indebted to the Kingsmen for providing us with a wonderful, unique experience.

III.

OUR HEROES BECOME A BIT MORE INTERESTED IN RAPPER CULTURE

As you know, rapper is a load of men in the pub jumping around with swords to blistering folk music. Most people would be a little curious about this – considering a trip to the pub right now? But still weighing up the pros and cons? Ok. Now replace the rapper dances, which you imagine to beery old men, with stunningly attractive young women. Interested?
But is rapper actually sexy? Yes! To dance rapper you need confidence, and fearless streak, a dash of lewdity, slugs of booze, and a real sense of fun – what is not attractive about that?

And that was our experience of Star and Shadow, an all girl (all cute as buttons) rapper troupe. Needless less to say the lads and I were entranced by their energetic, gin-soaked, somewhat raunchy display (what red-blooded male is not stirred by a flash of bloomers?) as the defining moment of the festival. Needless to say, the letches had their video phones out.

We also saw Black Swan Rapper. We had been had hear that they were pretty tight and they did command some respect, pulling off some fine skillz. However, we did witness the dropping of a rapper (illegal move – mark ‘em down ferret) and one of the lads got cut on the cheek, a scratch from a whirling blade. Rapper dancers are always getting cut up – what do you expect from dancing with dirty great swords for fun? – but the rappers themselves are not like sabres or anything; more like non-serrated breadknives with handles at either end. The blades, which are about two foot long, are still pretty sharp though and they move at some speed. I wouldn’t like to be shanked by one!

Despite this drop, Black Swan were pretty good and we all agreed that things were looking up. It was one o’clock and the beer had started to flow.

Star and Shadow are on Facebook:

II.

OUR HEROES ACTUALLY FIND OUT WHAT RAPPING IS

“We don’t want to go in there, guys.” Said the barman who looked like a student.

“Actually, we are kinda here for the festival.” We said.

Could he have guessed that three young men had visited his city to watch men in waistcoats and shorts dancing about with knives?

We got there just in time to watch our first ever rapper dance. The team was Stone Monkey from ... There was no time to find seats, so we stood close to the action, feeling slightly out of place. However, we soon got into it once the dancing started. One thing that we hadn’t counted on was the flips. These are called “tumbling”, I think, and they add instant awesome to any dance routine ever: flips will always be cool. A great first rapper!

I think that we were fortunate to see Stone Monkey first, as they were followed by Dorset Button who were, in comparison, a bit lack-lustre. Their dance had a theme – Dad’s Army – which they did a little too well: shuffling footwork akin to Private Godfrey and Corporal Jones.

After these two shows, Aled, Kevin and I got a chance to talk to the Stone Monkey team – what I loved about the whole festival is how friendly everyone was – and we found about how the DERT competition actually works. As far as I remember, the teams are judged on a number of different technical categories. We used this information to judge the subsequent rapper dances we saw over the weekend. The categories included footwork, sword-work, acrobatics (air time!) and atmosphere – this is called “buzz” in the rapper world and refers to how the dancers pump the crowd. If the stamping, sword-play and tumbles were not enough to send a beery crowd into whoops of ecstasy, there is one other element of rapper that I have not mentioned yet.

Most rapper teams have a hype-man to introduce them and get the crowd worked up, a tradition that, one would presume, was passed down from the first rapper dances. We can see this kind of thing spanning various genres of modern music: Flava Flav (Public Enemy – “Yeah Boyee!”), Erotic Volvo (Misty’s Big Adventure) and Bez (Happy Mondays). In rapper these characters are called “Tommys”. They are easy to distinguish from the dancers as they have their own distinctive look which can vary from the formal to the thematic or the comical. There are also female equivalents to Tommys: “Bettys”. Bettys, more likely than not a bearded man in drag, add more comic or narrative aspects to the rapper which can be affective if you find pantomime dames hilarious... The best Tommys / Betties interact with the crowd in a spontaneous manner, like a front man would do at a gig, and when it words it really works!

For each team that we watched, we marked them out of five for each category in order to find the best team. This also meant that we focused much more on the dancing and we got a lot of respect from the regulars we shared our ideas with!

Rapper’s Delight: DERT 2011. Part 1

OUR HEROES ARE RE-UNITED

What is rapping?
I’m no expert but, as far as I know, rapping is sword dancing invented by northern miners, performed in pubs. The tradition was dying out until some guy created the DERT festival, a national tournament that has rejuvenated the sport. This year it was hosted in Oxford.

Why did we go?
There were several reasons that we went to this seemingly random festival. We are all partial to a bit of folk: whilst we were at uni, Aled and I went to a hurdy-gurdy festival, a euphoric experience for both of us, and Kevin has the Irish connection or something... he’s a cultural man anyway.

It was a bit of a reunion for us. I hadn’t seen the lads since a wedding of our dear friends Aled and Jo Seago in the summer. We needed something big to get the old gang together. An adventure – comparable to the stuff that we got up to in Lancaster: DERT was it.

How Aled found out about DERT was a bit of a mystery to me – I presumed he had found it during a Google binge but unbeknownst to me, he also had some ulterior motives for journeying to Oxford...

Who went?
Instead of picking me up from Oxford station they hid behind the information desk giggling and waiting to jump out at me. Aled and Kevin’s circumstances have changed a lot in a year, but they are still the same precocious boys that I remember from university.
Aled still wears his heart on his sleeve, fawning over raven-haired beauties we pass in the street with awed whispers of “sweet wiggens”. He looked resplendent – if a little like a character out of a Belgian newspaper cartoon – in his tweed jacket, pastel blue skinnies and red shoes. As usual, his satchel contained a drawing pad and a fine selection of artist pens.

Kevin has also not changed. The same generous, rambunctious, thoughtful and mischievous Londoner he always was – although he does seem to have a fascination with Twitter. A sign of the times. I did not know that he had lived in Oxford before, running a restaurant there. There was rumour of eating at Jamie’s Italian, making the most of Kevin’s ‘I know Jamie’ discount, but instead we plumped for the cheap (but tasty nonetheless) option: bagels and salad that famous ice cream place.

And of course, there was me. Have I changed? More haggard yes but still wearing an Archie Fan Club T-shirt and looking like a hobo in my civies. This weekend has been a real breath of fresh air. The first week back from half term has been a real shock to the system – I’m fed up of the constant failure to meet my expectations that seems to be my job at the moment. So it was nice to do something completely different, instead of marking my year 10s’ controlled assessments or my year 12s’ coursework (whoops!).

DERT Oxford website: http://www.dert2011.co.uk/
Aled's blog: "Bearded Knitting"
Kevin on Twitter: BigChefKevoir

Sunday, 27 February 2011

Portrait of a Uniform

The jacket is blue and buttoned
to the neck.
The collar is sharp and white:
triangles.
The stretched mouth is screaming,
a dark gaping maw
that sends the picture spiralling
into darkness.
Blurred pink hands grip the chair
like frozen meat.
Pale knuckles.
Black streaks the image, a rain-smeered
window,
eclipsing sightless eyes.
The yellow framing stands out.
Bright geometric shapes
lavish
regal
religous
formal.
Gold, like the genie's prison.

Target Range

Step right up and try your luck
aim for the biggest buck
are you a chicken (cluck cluck cluck)
Wheel the corpse out on a truck.
Think it's funny, think it's strange -
Welcome to the target range.

The pen is green, the pen is red,
I'll shoot an apple off your head
Stay still or you'll end up dead.
"Meet the targets." the boss said.
Think it's funny, think it's strange -
Welcome to the target range.

Think you can make learning fun?
The pen rests snuggly as a gun.
But when all is said and done
the target is a human one.
Think it's funny, think it's strange -
Welcome to the target range.

Don't loose the plot,
Repress the humanity you got.
No power to the have-nots
The target is a head shot.
Think it's funny, think it's strange -
Welcome to the target range.

Poem dedicated to
*The Dead Kennedeys
*Seamus Heaney
*Rage Against the Machine

Work

Struggling is complex
tangela-blue tentacles
curl around late hours
at the computer.
But failure is simple:
the figures don't add up.

There is either hollow
success or failure, but
we will always struggle.
(With what?)

Existing in circuitous
24 hour faith beginging
to hope makes us voluble.

I will not give up.
I will succeed...
Despite it all.

Saturday, 26 February 2011

That Sunday Afternoon Feeling

When I glance at the clock
and my dinner's less appealling,
don't think that the meat is off -
It's That Sunday Afternoon Feeling.

When I clasp my hands in prayer
at the alter kneeling,
don't think I'm a pious man -
It's That Sunday Afternoon Feeling.

When you find me tie-round-neck
and swinging from the ceiling,
don't think I'm suicidal,
It's That Sunday Afternoon Feeling.

The Weekend is Dead

'Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.'

(W H Auden, 'Funeral Blues')

'Buildings crashing down to a cracking ground
Rivers turn to wood, ice melting to flood
Earth lies in death bed, clouds cry water dead
Tearing life away, here's the burning pay'

(Black Sabbath, 'Electric Funeral')

I.

The clock was stopped,
The Nokia ring tone cut.
I dressed in black;
My funeral work suit.
It was a day of black coffee,
umbrellas and awnings,
cigarettes and local radio:
It was Monday morning.

The End of the Holiday

I
Salavador Dali.
Tonto.
John McClane.

II.
Seven days that melt away
that is the half term holiday.
"I don't like it, colonel,
It's too quiet" - he'll
know the point of an arrow
in his back, just like tomorrow
when we return to the attack,
that whiteboard-and-chair shack,
that SCHOOL - and if not
tomorrow, then tomorrow's tomorrow -
the endless sorrow
of knowing that your time is up ...

III.
Time is a syrup of melting clocks
feeling like a sleep-locked dream,
Struggling against the conveyor stream
of fate, legs like rocks.

You wait for your line,
"I don't like it, it's too quiet"
the arrow is tomorrow:
stabbed in the back by time.

You know where the bomb is,
You know when it will detonate,
But you know you cannot deactiate
it by logical rules of time and space.

Time will march forward.
Monday morning will explode in your face
when that alarm goes off; this is
the worker's reward.

Ballad of a February Morning

Darkness out there.
Warmth and safety in here.
The rude alarm clock
says it all.

The shower is cold.
I look old in the mirror.
Life is worth facing
after a warm shower.

Breakfast is a chore.
Wishing it was more fried
than the cereal-ity
of Branflakes and milk.

No time for a whole mug of tea.

Grave injustice at 7.00pm.
Jamming a toothbrush in my face,
tie, jacket, shoes
and out the door.

Making it to the car
a 20 minute drive and a chance
to become human. Don't think,
just focus on the pedals,

hand break, speed, steering wheel,
coutnry roads (take me home!)
join the matrix masses,
exist until 5pm

or the next cup of coffee.

Break time

The staff room is a dug out.
Only the strong survive
in this hard-working madness.

Newbies sit shaking in a corner,
eating lunch at the computer
getting crumbs in the keyboard.

Working too hard.

Seasoned professionals drink coffee
before the sound of the bell:
the big push.

I look into the eyes of my collegues
and see my hollow self reflected there.
It can't be hate? Can it?

The waiting is the worst part.

Wake Up Cliche - Joe's Blog


http://numbers1311407.blogspot.com/2011/02/writing.html

Hopefully we will see more posts from Glencross(see left, stretching before a bouncy castle session with the author). He is returning from China for a visit soon.

Hooray for writing blogs! As a blogger, he feels the pains that I feel. Let's see what happens ...

Sunday, 6 February 2011

Misssisyphus: "musings, poetry and whatever ..."

Suprising what stalking your friends on FB can uncover! Quite simplely, I am in awe of Misssisyphus, the Manx nihilist. I dare not comment too much on anything about her for fear she will beat me up. I am very much Walter the Softie to her Dennis the Menace, but I think that everything she does is great. Think Thomas Hardy, punk, Russian authors, metal, the Beats, Henry Rollins, Amanda Palmer, Hunter S Thompson, Oscar Wilde ... Intense intensity.

Anyway, I'm glad I've found this cache of her writing - I've always been curious to read her work, ever since she told me about the stuff that she sumitted for creative writing seminars... It seemed only fair to share the wealth with the wider blogging community. If you like bleakness and rants, check it out! Although the layout does make the text a bit hard to read ... if you persist it's worth it!

No doubt if Misssisyphus gets wind of this, she will be reaching for the catapult and the rotten tomatoes.


'Siberia'

Cast out, we stagger alone through
the wilderness.
A vast Siberia of lost hopes and
new fears.
We encounter no-one, for this hell
is our own.


Read more here:
http://misssisyphus.wordpress.com/

God bless,

Walter

Travel Blog: Ra Fish working for YWAM


(Our prayer team. From left to right: Rebekah, Matt, Andrew, Libby, Pippa, yours truely, Rach)

This title may not make sense unless you know two things. One: Ra Fish is the pseudonym of Rachel Patterson, another of my university chums who is doing something exciting on the other side of the world. Two: YWAM stands for 'Youth With A Mission' - Rach says:

"[this] is basically a course which teaches you about God and encourages you to apply what you learn through outreach both locally to the base to on outreach trips to different countries. It is all about knowing God and making Him known."

So far so good. Now, the blog itself.

My first thought is to compare this to Merrett's blog: Christian in a strange land, etc. etc. BUT they are obviously very different. Whereas Simon's blog was full of his trademark wry wit and hilarious ramblings about NYC, Rach puts her own personal stamp on the travel blog genre in a different and delightful way.

Firstly, and this is classic Patterson, btw, she is a diligent and detailed writer - unlike Merrett, who would always start with something like "sorry I've not written in a while, but I contracted this disease from someone on the subway the other day ...". With Patterson at the keyboard, I doubt readers will not be kept out of the loop for lengthy periods.

Next, what is the blog about? Well, it's a hodge-podge of notes from lectures and accounts of Rachel's adventures in Oz. Although she compares her posts to "essays", they are certainly not dull! Apart from dropping SPIRITUAL TRUTH on yo' ('My sins have gone, I've been set free' - stories from Repentence and Forgiveness week), Ra's writing is peppered with honest accounts of day-to-day struggles (cash flow - praying about it, btw) and humour (I particularly like the story about getting bitten but an ant: just the sort of thing I'd do in that situation!)

There are also some outreach stories not-completely-unlike-Christian-Union-scenarios which I can empathise with and fondly reminisce about.

Find the blog here:
http://www.travelblog.org/Bloggers/Ra-fish/

Find out more about YWAM here:
http://www.ywam.org/

So, to conclude, a thoroughly readable, enjoyable and educational in the best sense, with nothing "fishy" about it ... ahahhahah lolololol

'Fin'

Persuit of Beauty: Olive Su at the Manchester Art Gallery



Another person to add to the list of my inspirations.

So I was on FB today and I discovered that one of my fabulously talented friends from uni has gallery space! Olive Su's Chinese paintings will be on display in the Manchester Art Gallery, in the 'Pursuit of Beauty' Gallery on from today (Sunday 6th Feb.)! If you're up North-way check it out! They are amazo!

Also try:
Su's Chinese Painting Gallery website:
http://www.chinesepaintinggallery.org.uk/artists.php

Olive's interview on the BBC:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/local/lancashire/hi/people_and_places/arts_and_culture/newsid_8721000/8721992.stm

I'm mega-excited! Go Olive!

Sunday, 30 January 2011

Introduction

Hey gang,

It's nine o'clock on Sunday morning.

So, I'm thinking about getting (back) into writing. There are a number of factors that are stimulating me at this particular moment:

1.) I am reading and my reading is veering towards autobiographies of writers. Murakami, Kafka ... anyone in the literary section of The Telegraph weekend magazine - my parents' subscription, because I would 'obviously' be a Guardian reader ... Oh, and the Beats. Awesome people. Anyway, what is amazing about these stories is that they just went ahead and did it. Murakami was a bar-tender, then, if my memory serves me correctly, one day he just started writing. I suppose that is the thing to do: start.

2.) Starting writing moves on to the next point: the blog. It is surely the way forward. It is accessible - holding Hamford as my inspiration here. I must keep it going. If I keep writing something must happen someday.

I will also add a 'writing' label to my previous compositions.

3.) Job. Teaching: can I keep it up? I keep asking myself that question. For the moment things are going ok; after a week of absolute horror you might get a week of passable success. I've even had a *gasp* 'good day' recently - don't think I've even had one of those before. If I keep writing, writing on the blog, who knows? Maybe one day soemthing will come of it.

I mean to keep in the teaching game for a while at least. Maybe move out over the summer. Next year will be the real test, once NQT is over and I am 'qualified'. Eep. But it point is to keep writing because it will give me hope. Not the God-given hope that I rely on to get through each day, morning and evening and every other concievable time, but the hope that one day I will be able to create something tangeble and say "I did that."

Like that time at uni when I made a 'zine for the Christian Union mission week. It was, I have to say, pretty cool; an anthology of different work from Christian artists, poets and writers. El did some poems for it, poems that you can actually find on her website: ( http://elgruer.com/poems.php ). I made a sort of soap-box section for rants and I put in a short piece voicing my annoyance at people who took down the posters we put up for our Christian events. The good thing about this was that was it did hit home with people. Hearing people saying "Man, I do that!" and thinking that this was aimed souly at them. Not sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing, but it had an impact and it felt amazing to actually do that!

It's sort of the feeling that I get when I 'publish' my posts - although I don't get that gratification of comment (unless of course someone DOES leave a comment - and THAT is exciting). It is still thrills me and THAT is why I must keep going.

That'll do for now.

Peace out and God bless,

SM

Sunday, 2 January 2011

Year 2011

Happy new year, everyone!

This is what I did last year: completed PGCE,got a job. That is pretty much it. Not easy, and it took up forever. Now 'the hard part' is done, I gotta get on with it! Still not easy, but I am feeling a bit better about it all. Still have the Sunday afternoon dread, which continues to ruin my Sunday lunch, but having a Bank Holiday tomorrow will help ease me into the week nicely.

Will I stick at it? is the big question. I would like to give it a shot and not cop out too soon. I would at least like to get the hang of it, if that is even possible. Who knows. It is dastardly having A JOB, but someones got to do it... Who knows what the future holds? We can only hang on.

Anyway, God bless you all.

SM